I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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