I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
