You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
