can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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