That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
