you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
