did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We smell like vodka and hangover
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