In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Randomize
