pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
