If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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