allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
