what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ladies don't puke and tell
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
