I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my being single is dangerous.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
