highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
