i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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