He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
