TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I want is dick and wine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think people are normalizing furries
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
