He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
