I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
