Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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