ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
