please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
