That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
