Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
