Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
