He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
