about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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