She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
