smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
