This is not my ceiling
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
