I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
