The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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