and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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