so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
