belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
