So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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