The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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