I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
