Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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