He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
