Who wears a wallet chain?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
