She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
