I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
