& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
