We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
