dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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