Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And then my night got REAL pukey
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
