She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize