im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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