You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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