Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
