I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
