and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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