I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
