the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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