Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
