It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
