My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize