In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I looked at my own cervix.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
