Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
