Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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