Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
