I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
