the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
