Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
