i don't like sucking hair
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
