...so i touched it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
