the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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