Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
