Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well you can't waste a boner
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
