She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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