just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
