At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
