I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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