I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
