Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
