i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
