Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
