I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
