I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
